Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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