Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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