I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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