This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
