This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
