ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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