im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
