He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
