well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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