like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
