I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
