I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize