Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
