If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
