whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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