He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
