i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
