i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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