that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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