I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
