I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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