so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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