Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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