Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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