im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
