He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
