Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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