She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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