I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
