sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
