yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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