I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
