don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
