I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
