I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm both gender and math confused
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
