i think i have herpe
just one?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
