If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The air taste purple.
Randomize
