eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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