guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
