I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i came on her dog
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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