I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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