His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
