the condom got lost in my hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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