I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
