pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
