I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
