pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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