i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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