SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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