Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
