party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
