I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
