you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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