I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
