You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
