Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
