Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
