Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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