So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need moral support for this bender
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
