Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
