It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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