Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am available for nakedness
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
