Are we in a gay sports bar?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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