my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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