ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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