Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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